The Idealist’s Five Love Languages


The Idealist’s five love languages

Love is important for everyone. And everyone loves differently. I decided to write down the idealist’s five love languages. They represent how I often find myself wanting to be loved and when I tend to feel the most loved. My inspiration comes from Gary Chapman’s five love languages.

idealists five love languages

Gary Chapman has written a popular book called The Five Love Languages to explain how people communicate love differently. Chapman’s book has helped many realize that even though you don’t feel loved at times, it may just be because you don’t realize how much your partner or friend is trying to make you happy, in their own way.

But Chapman’s book left me feeling a little empty, because I scored evenly on most love languages. I ended up feeling that it only described the physicality in how I communicated love: not the actual love expressions that I can pick up on from others, on the spiritual level.

  1. Connection over ideas

    Someone sharing an idea or new perspective with you, someone giving you an AHA-experience. Someone making you realize that wow, I have never thought about this before. And I wouldn’t have understood it, if it wasn’t for you. And it’s somehow connected to something I’ve been wondering about that you were the answer to.

  2. Unsolicited affirmations

    Feeling appreciated or respected for things you don’t say out loud. Having someone acknowledge your dreams or thoughts even when you haven’t told them to. When the other person just understands and you don’t have to explain.

  3. Devotion

    When others help you realize your dreams, feeling encouraged to take a leap of faith, when others help you grow. When they affirm you to do crazy things – such as move, change career, write a book, or go on an epic adventure. Perhaps they don’t help you in practice, but they make you braver.

  4. Connection

    Feeling like another person is always nearby, regardless of where they are. Getting an idea of what they are doing or how they are feeling, feeling like you have a connection that is both beyond time and physical space.

  5. Metaphysical touch

    Feeling someone’s eyes on you when you’re not looking, feeling someone’s hand on you though they are far away. Thinking about wanting a hug, and getting a hug, without giving the other person a hint.

     

Think back to situations when you’ve felt truly loved. What was it exactly that made you feel love? And think back to situations where people were trying to love you. Perhaps you missed their love, because they expressed it in a way that was foreign to you?

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About Erik Thor

I am an INFJ and I want to combat the stereotypes and help promote personality psychology that doesn’t limit or mistype you.