Ten Reasons You Need An INFJ Friend In Your Life


Okay, we’re apparently rare as fuck, at least if you trust American self-reporting statistics. (Okay, why would anyone trust those statistics? Well, I guess people do. Numbers tend to confuse people.) Yeah, you need us. Here’s why. Ten reasons you need an INFJ friend in your life.

1. We get you.

No explanations are necessary with an INFJ. You don’t have to rationalise yourself to us: where, with a lot of people, there are a lot of misunderstandings and things missed, INFJs typically have a pretty good grasp of why you do what you do and what drives you, from the first time you meet us. Like all introverted and feeling types, we listen and read intentions carefully and in great nuance. 

2. You can be yourself around an INFJ.

That means you can relax and take of that mask that you put on so strongly around others. Around an INFJ, there’s typically no requirement to act, look, or dress in any particular way. INFJs tend to have varied and broad friendship circles and make friends with people from all kind of ages and sub-cultures. Our feeling judging usually allows us to get along with anyone. Even if we’re offended by someone, we can find a way to establish a relationship with the person that is acceptable to us.

3. We “guess” the future

As an INFJ, I’ve got a pretty good grasp of what’s going to happen next and how a situation is going to come along. I’ve been described as sneaky, because using this information, I can adjust a situation and prepare ahead and devise some pretty devious schemes. But I usually use my powers for good. Don’t worry. 😉 

4. We absorb ideas and turn them into visions

Got a dream or an idea? INFJs are pretty good at turning one loose idea or just a quick possibility into a full blown vision. Feel free to share any and all ideas you have at any point of time, enter ideas into our mind, give us a minute, and when we get back to you, we’re going to have a synthesis ready for you. We put the chaos that is your mind into perspective and we find a way to organise the most crazy of minds to something somewhat coherent.

5. We grant wishes

An INFJs true powers come out when there are people who need us. If you let yourself need us, we will do our best to grant your wishes, no matter how crazy or impossible they sound. Where you can go to an ISFJ for help to clean your porch, you can go to an INFJ for help to achieve world domination. Just remember: there is always a prerequisite. You need to give an INFJ something for the magic to work. INFJs can’t work with nothing, not without draining themselves of energy. 

6. We invite absurdity

We’re not necessarily funny or immediately entertaining people, but where we are, fun tends to happen, somehow. We’re like bards – we have an aura that brings out the fun and absurdity in life. We laugh at the silliness of life, those things that you’d normally feel upset about.We set up situations and scenarios that are downright funny, all you have to do is finish the punchline we set up for you. And we have an ability to just shake our heads… and smile. And my friends usually find that cute. Or evil. Or both.

7. We don’t start drama

We’re usually very careful not to joke about other people. We don’t start drama (but sometimes we attract it) When we question someone else, we do so with understanding. Like, “that guy is a douche, but that’s just because he’s struggling with his family.” When something crazy happens, we usually go “Let’s wait and see.” before we take any dramatic actions. 

8. We endure through difficulty and hardship with patience

We’re usually patient with people who struggle with stress and anxiety. We’re not forever patient, but we tend to hang on longer than most. If you’re going through a hard time and pushing us away, we will resist, for a while. People say INFJs doorslam, but we’re also more likely to reach out to someone who struggles, when nobody else would. It’s just that it drains us at times, especially when we haven’t mastered emotional boundaries yet.

9. We don’t know how to count

INFJs don’t really count, minutes you’re late, who spent the most money, whatever. I arrive early and I go into my twilight zone, or I bring a book, or a notebook. Half an hour can pass and I’m usually okay. No, I don’t really look at numbers when I’m with friends. I don’t count who’s done the most favours. I don’t look at who’s in control or who’s in power. Yeah, I just make myself comfortable wherever I am and find a way to enjoy the situation.

The INFJ Friend

Loyal, patient, silently enduring, soft-spoken, polite, understanding, philosophical, aware, cunning, and clever. I’ve found INFJs commonly hang out at cafes and libraries and in parks and on park-benches by the river. We’re often out walking alone. We often bring books and notepads around. Yeah, we usually live in more desolate areas in the world if we can choose, so consider moving to Iceland, Alaska or Scandinavia or something. We like to observe people from a distance. So consider who is looking at you and studying you when you’re out for a walk.

We enjoy making new connections, and we generally have few boundaries or walls up. Now, we don’t usually dress in alternative clothing, we tend to look normal on the outside. We don’t generally think about how we dress or look at all. And we tend to run our own small social environments, cafes, and we often run a personal social space or club about our personal hobbies, like Dr Who, HSP, art, poetry, writing, or reading circles. Though we usually look normal, we’re usually separate from or contrarian to our community, living a generally autonomous, self-directed life away from the world and people and things that stress us out. 

So these were my ten reasons you need an INFJ in your life. That said, we also have our share of issues. Weak emotional boundaries, not necessarily well dressed, sometimes inappropriate. Sometimes slow and stubborn and difficult to change. Sometimes a little grumpy and generally annoyed and distant. We take some time to return your texts and we struggle with social media and low phone intelligence. But I think, flaws and positives all added up, the INFJ friend is pretty cool. Now that I think about it, I also need an INFJ friend in my life… Any takers?

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About Erik Thor

I am an INFJ and I want to combat the stereotypes and help promote personality psychology that doesn’t limit or mistype you.