Enneagram Sx

The Lover (Enneagram Sx – The Sexual Instinct)


The Lover (Sexual Instinct)

The lover aspires to be someone worthy of love and connection, to become as good as the ones they idealise.

Core motivation:

Primary issue:



To become one with someone

To lose someone you love

Steady, Conscientious type (+-+-)
Certainty, Satisfaction, Shame, Denial

Lover/Sage (Player) or Lover/Everyperson (Sweetheart)

As a lover, your core aim is to fight to protect what you find to be of the highest importance. You are in this pursuit somewhat prone to shame, feeling that you can never live up to or be good enough for what or who it is that you love and cherish.

As a lover, you may sometimes excuse or deny flaws in the people you love and care for, as you want to protect them and to nurture them when you can. A lover is typically very sure of what they believe, and will never doubt the goodness and the value of the person they care for.

General Description

Common traits: Attractive, Intense, Extraordinary, Rare, Unusual, Distant

When you are an Enneagram Sx, you are typically driven to work to protect and to serve someone or something you love. You perhaps have a project, a baby, or a friend that you care highly for. As a lover, you’re typically committed and secure. You stand firm by the people you care for and pride yourself on being there for them when they need you.

A Lover is someone that will understand others and be there for others. At times however, the enneagram sx struggles with being overly accusing of flaws, and working overly hard to fit themselves with the person they desire. They may also be at risk of excusing flaws in the people they like, and pretending problems aren’t there, and like the project, person, or object of their desire is somehow perfect.

The sexual type is prone to idealising the person they love – and fears losing this person they idealise. The lover will often feel insecure and ashamed, as they feel they don’t meet the value or lack the qualities of the person they admire. There is a need here in the lover to gain a higher appreciation of self and to reach a more humane view of others. But the lover has many qualities worthy of admiration – such as their ability to do anything for the ones they care about.