To feel connected to something
To feel disconnected
++– Outgoing, Open, Disagreeable, Unconscientious
Sx/So: The Sweetheart Sx/Sp: The Player
The Lover (Enneagram Sx – The Sexual Instinct)
As a lover, your core aim is to fight to protect what you find to be of the highest importance. You are in this pursuit somewhat prone to shame, feeling that you can never live up to or be good enough for what or who it is that you love and cherish.
As a lover, you may sometimes excuse or deny flaws in the people you love and care for, as you want to protect them and to nurture them when you can. A lover is typically very sure of what they believe, and will never doubt the goodness and the value of the person they care for.
Common traits: Attractive, Intense, Extraordinary, Rare, Unusual, Distant
When you are an Enneagram Sx, you are typically driven to work to protect and to serve someone or something you love. You perhaps have a project, a baby, or a friend that you care highly for. As a lover, you’re typically committed and secure. You stand firm by the people you care for and pride yourself on being there for them when they need you.
A Lover is someone that will understand others and be there for others. At times however, the enneagram sx struggles with being overly accusing of flaws, and working overly hard to fit themselves with the person they desire. They may also be at risk of excusing flaws in the people they like, and pretending problems aren’t there, and like the project, person, or object of their desire is somehow perfect.
The sexual type is prone to idealising the person they love – and fears losing this person they idealise. The lover will often feel insecure and ashamed, as they feel they don’t meet the value or lack the qualities of the person they admire. There is a need here in the lover to gain a higher appreciation of self and to reach a more humane view of others. But the lover has many qualities worthy of admiration – such as their ability to do anything for the ones they care about.
Enneagram Sx Big 5
The sexual instinct tends to promote outgoingness and openness. There is this heightened interest in life and new experiences, wanting to see new things, gain new experiences, and learn more about people.
But the sexual instinct tends to simultaneously discourage conscientiousness and agreeableness, as we can be prepared to act in an unethical or careless way towards others if we feel bored with them.
When sexual types struggle more with neuroticism, they struggle more with feeling restless and easily bored with others. They want to experience and learn from others but if people don’t open up or offer them something new, they are inclined to move forward and to seek something else. Simultaneously, we can constantly worry that we’re boring or not interesting enough to other people.
There can be a habit of jumping from interest to interest and of struggling to find something to commit to. When we become more emotionally stable, we become more patient with people. We become more confident that we can find the fun in a situation or find a way to turn something boring into something fun.
Infant: In their early life, these types want a lot of attention and entertainment, and become easily upset when bored. They may struggle with sitting still or relaxing.
Child: As children, these types constantly want to entertain and charm the people they are close to. They try hard to amuse and to enthuse the people around them.
Teenager: At this stage, we become more aware of our identity outside our close family. We start focusing on developing interesting or cool qualities in ourselves.
Young adult: At this stage, we start turning our charm and our interesting qualities towards society or a higher institution. We find a way to express our humour and our lust and to use it in a way that connects to other people.
Adult: Here, we become more interested in distinguishing ourselves in society. We start finding out what is remarkable within ourselves and we begin to demonstrate how we can use these qualities to distinguish ourselves to society.
Accomplished adult: Here, we become more focused on what qualities other people have. We start showing people what is unique and fascinating in them and we teach them to develop and express these parts towards others, showing anybody can become remarkable.