Kindness (FJ)

Kindness is the core drive of feeling and judging types (XXFJ). This includes ESFJs, ISFJs, INFJs and ENFJs. These types are driven by a desire to be kind or to do something that feels good and right. When kindness is one of your core values, you need to act out of kindness to feel a sense of control, power, and motivation in your life. If it is not possible to feel kind, or if you feel blocked from being kind as an XXFJ type, you experience a loss of control, and a loss of meaning from life. 

In my studies of Feeling and Judging types I have encountered a wide range of personality traits and ways of expressing the function. Some more healthy than others. Feeling and judging creates a person driven by linear, coherent and straight action towards managing groups and cultural norms and ideology. You’re a person that wants to live in accordance with values and the cultural practices you believe in. You are also a good storyteller and diplomat who thought about the overarching values and human & animal rights issues across the world.

In the old days, a diplomat was a person who set up a campfire and got us all to sit down and share our stories with one another. They created groups and warm friendly atmospheres. They got us to connect with one another and to feel at home together. Today they manage communities and groups and help us feel more connected. They often establish and conceptualise rituals and cultural practices, like board game nights, second hand days, and themed dinners and social events. They are highly aware of the emotional theme of the group and consciously manage the social temperature and how the group feels.

Feeling Judging

Basic Description

It relates to the storytelling network, which weaves and crafts tales and analyses intentions and social situations. It also involves proactive control which is about adjusting your behaviour and actions in advance of a situation.

Nickname: The Diplomat
Primary desire:
 To live in accordance with your values and beliefs and to guide and help other people do the same. To manage and to keep a good emotional temperature and social climate.
Core fear: To act in a way that contradicts or fails your beliefs and higher ideals or to fail to deliver on your promises and people’s expectations on you. To cause tension, conflict and discord in the group.
Vulnerable function: Reporting (FP) and listening to the individual and to the small person. Authenticity in the moment. Concern and worry for the people around you. Hope that things will work out.
How to ground yourself: Hacking (TP) through thinking tactically and customising solutions based on what is the best in the moment.
Variations: ENFJ, ESFJ, ISFJ, and INFJ
Jungian variation: Judging and Perceiving was not conceptualised in Carl Jung’s original theory, but came with the development of the MBTI, and so, the properties of this function was unknown.

Key motivations: To improve social order and structure, to move and guide people in need, and to drive people forward. To help and aid other people.


“I am a part of humanity. I am driven to help, but not serve humanity. And I want to promise to those that hope, that it will get better. Other people are a part of me and I share in the suffering of other people. I am instantly connected to people, even those that I dislike. They are a part of me, and I am a part of them. I want to live in harmony with other people and I won’t have peace until everyone has found peace.”

Cognitive functions

Forming morals and belief systems

Feeling judging can be devised to organise moral principles and social experiences into a system. You can come up with a greater story, and you can sense a higher form of values and standards. And you will think about how individual values fit together and you will maintain a focus on making sure that you have a strong code of conduct.

You act with conviction to organise society according to how you dream it to be, what you believe it can be. If you want a happier world, you assume the role of a comedian. If you seek a more peaceful world, you take the role of a peace fighter. You are a messenger for your beliefs and your dreams, whatever they may be.

Living by a belief system or moral principle

Messengers have the ability to live and act in accordance with their idea of their higher story. They become the kind of person they need to be do fulfil their destiny or dream, as they have perceived it.

They suppress situational desires and temptations to live up to their higher ideal. Using social intelligence, they perform to fulfil the ideals they serve. Of course, a healthy messenger lives by a belief system that is in peace with who they are, and what they want.

Acting to organise social dynamics and your culture

Messengers have a high belief in the moral or social ideas they have formed. What they have come to believe in, they often want others to believe in as well. If they meet people who are struggling, they will act to aid them in some way or form, guiding people to live in accordance with the higher natural laws and ideologies.

This can help people who feel out of place reconnect to society or the group. It can help bring people together, but it can also cause polarisation and conflict with those that don’t believe in the social dynamics you believe in.

Body Language

  • Warm, relaxed, directing gestures that instil you with a sense of peace and trust. They make you lower your guard and to feel safe around them and they open you up to listening to what they have to say.
  • A warm and relaxed smile emanating from the upper lips. This smile can be described as friendly, unserious, and diplomatic.
  • Storyteller voice: Persuasive, diplomatic, and jolly. Strong, warm and round articulation and enunciation of letters, in particular at the start (FJ), and with a sharp, cold break at the end of a sentences. (TP)
  • A steady and straight head posture, spontaneous, charming smiles, and warm and encouraging headnods. They often relax and lower and push forward their shoulders slightly, signalling openness, friendliness, and a peaceful posture.

What is communications intelligence?

Diplomats are gifted communicators and good at explaining themselves and how they think to other people. They make other people feel comfortable and they show an ability to talk themselves out of, or into any situation. They create a friendly impression and show an openness to discuss and negotiate with other people. Beyond that, they barter and use storytelling to sell their thoughts and ideas to other people.

Communications intelligence is the primary skill of a salesman or pitcher, someone who knows how to present and show something off to an audience in a way that generates interest. It is the ability to build an interesting story and to get people to listen to you and what you are saying. Good communicators tend to make us want to open up and share of ourselves.

They tend to have a relating communication style, making us feel like all social experiences and feelings are shared and universal. We’re all struggling with the same issues and experiences. We all feel similarly. There are connections between you and me, and so, communicators tend to make us feel a sense of group consciousness.

Vulnerability and inspiration

As a diplomat type, you tend to be more comfortable thinking about the group before your own needs. You may also ignore what is right in the moment to focus on what you have been taught or what you have told yourself is the right thing in the past. You may sometimes compromise on small social matters and show more resolve in bigger social issues.

But this is not because you find these things unimportant. Sometimes it is important to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to stand up for the individual and the small person. Don’t forget to take a stand on small matters that are important to you, too. Don’t look away from the individual and the people hurting around you, even if it can be hard to look. When there is suffering, there is hope, and hope is your primary fuel as a diplomat type. If you can hope, you can gain the power to fulfil promises and to work for being the person you want to be.

  • Practice reminding yourself about how you feel and what you personally need.
  • Think about what other people may need from you that they don’t tell you. And what you need, that you’re too afraid to ask for.
  • Consider if there are any smaller social issues that are important to you.

When a diplomat fails to be vulnerable or to take these matters seriously. They may be prone to lashing out by making selfish decisions in the moment. You may be pretending not to care about other people, and you might be acting like you are invulnerable. This can be shown by taking needless risks or engaging in martyr like behaviour.

Healthy and unhealthy variations

Unhealthy diplomats may say the following:

  • “Other people don’t listen to my stories and what I have to say.”
  • “People don’t share in or appreciate my beliefs and my ideology.”
  • “Other people reject the things I do for them or don’t appreciate how I help them.”
  • “The people around me don’t seem to appreciate the things that I do to help and guide them.”
  • “People don’t seem to want to attend or part-take in the themes and events that I organise.”
  • “I keep getting blamed for things that I haven’t done.”

Diplomats can at times engage in an unhealthy tendency of using Thinking and Perceiving as a defensive mechanism. At worst, thinking and perceiving can make them appear inconsiderate to other people’s needs, tactical or secretly selfish, and now, this couldn’t be further from the truth. As a feeling type, a feeling and judging person is highly considerate and cares quite a lot about people, but often, they hide from these feelings and pretend not to care to protect themselves from stress and anxiety.

Aggressive and friendly diplomats

Beyond this, there are aggressive extraverted feeling types, characterised by strong convictions and an ability to push for what they want, and to charm their way into getting a yes from anyone. The aggressive diplomats are more like crusaders, more aggressive types work well as drill sergeants and practice a more solid emotional judgement and use more hostile methods and stir up conflicts to push people forward. Friendly diplomats use more subtle and indirect methods and show more openness to other people’s opinions. They cooperate and they let go if other people resist, and show more consideration to other people.