The study of personality is the study of healthy differences in people’s behaviour. Differences that can sometimes be seen in a positive or negative light, but for the most, add diversity and just describe differences in what we prioritise and value in life. Personality is not understood by just observing someones behaviour. People are adaptive and can choose to conform or mimic other people.
They can act according to what they think other people expect of them, or they can choose to stand out or do something different, because they are hostile or in a bad mood. To know someones personality, you have to set them aside, and ask them about what they care about and what is important to them. People will surprise you and tell you things you did not expect, and it will drive empathy and increased understanding and mutual respect. Everyone wants to feel seen, but oddly, if you look, but without listening, you may just drive further misunderstandings.
Differences between personality and mindset
We all have a personality. Your personality is your values and who you are at your best, what you love to do, and what you don’t enjoy. What you dream of and what you would most like to avoid. Your personality is not your behaviour. Your personality is not your mindset either. Your mindset is a reflection of how you have learnt to see the world.
You may be at your best when on your own, and when you have new ideas and when you can have privacy (introverted intuition) but you may also have a fixed mindset. This means you are inclined to believe that your theories are correct and that issues you encounter are the fault of other people. Some introverted iNtuitives see their opinions as self-evident truth, some seek the truth, open to the fact that they may not have found it yet.
Introversion (Valuing the inner)
Introversion is not your thoughts but more what you consider you, your things, your clothes, your behaviour, and your home. Things that are close to you and that you know and understand better.
Extroversion (Valuing the outer)
Extroversion is not what other people think but what you have yet to experience, things that you could do, people you could talk to, new information sources, sounds, nature, and things that you have yet to do.
When healthy, we have chosen to identify with our own thoughts and beliefs. We need to believe in something to act on it and we won’t do something just because we have been told to. This indicates a healthy use of introversion or extraversion.
When unhealthy, we may choose to focus purely on what other people think and what other people want. We make our decisions based on what other people have told us or what we think other people care about at the expense of self. This indicates a weak introversion or extroversion.
So you will have healthy introverts with internalised views: they have theories and ideas and introspect and trust themselves, and you have healthy extroverts, that have a lot of passion and opinions about the world around them, what they have read and heard. They both think about and reflect about their experiences – that is the sign of a healthy mind.
An others mindset does not have to be more kind or nice at all. You can be me-oriented, and your own values can tell you that you should be nice or do the right thing.
Then, when stressed or anxious, they may become more receptive to others. They may start to second guess themselves, and fall back to externalised views, what they have been told, what they remember that other people have said. They may take comfort hiding behind other people and resting on others shoulders.
Judging (Valuing closure)
Judging is not wanting control but it is valuing order and structure in things. Wanting things to have a direction and a goal and wanting to have a plan or rules for how things are done.
Perceiving (Valuing adaptation)
Perceiving is not being lazy or careless, but valuing adaptation and implementation of ideas and skills. What can we do to solve a problem or to meet a challenge, how can we get from point A to B in the moment, using available resources?
If in a positive state, we are inclined to believe that we can win and that we can overcome struggle. We believe in our ideas and abilities and we feel confident that we can use them to prevail. This indicates a strong judging or perceiving function.
When we have not met challenges, we are inclined to easily give up or lose heart in a struggle. We are more inclined to depend on other people because we believe ourselves to be powerless, we discard or distrust our own ideas and abilities. This suggests that we have a weak judging or perceiving.
Judgers that have a quitter mindset may refuse to set goals for themselves – believing they can not meet their own goals and can’t win, and will try, but give up at the sign of slightest struggle or obstacle, or set impossible targets, only to prove to themselves that they are weak. If they have quitter mindsets they may have strong beliefs about the chaotic world around them. They will imagine obstacles and issues that aren’t there, or start to fear change.Their inclination NOT to plan, may make them seem like perceivers.
Perceivers that have quitter mindsets may believe that nobody listens and that nobody cares about their opinions and that everyone else is better at their skills than they are, so there is no point to try or to test out new ideas or to see where an idea could lead. They will start believing that because they are weak or less able, they need to set strong rules and boundaries and limitations for themselves (“I cannot do that, I am not allowed to do this, if I do this people will think I am stupid”) this may make them appear like judging types.
Your personality is always who you are
No matter what you do, or how you choose to behave in the moment, your personality is always going to be who you are. All you have to do to know yourself is listen: you will feel a strong yes, or a faint no, you will feel stress, anxiety, joy, and happiness, and that will be a guide to yourself: you are your feelings and your thoughts and your values.