INFJ body language is described as sensitive, charming, thoughtful, deep, focused and leader-like. They are more negatively described as manipulative, distanced, obsessive, and cold. A common mistake when studying INFJ body language is to look for extroverted feeling and introverted thinking. Our facial expressions are lukewarm: not cold, not warm, but somewhere in between. Our smiles are faint. The INFJ gaze is fluid and sometimes glassy.
You will only see hints of these functions in the INFJ. You are better of looking for introverted iNtuition, Introverted Feeling, Feeling Judging, and iNtuitive Judging. These signals are always present in the INFJ and especially strong when the INFJ is in a positive mental state.
The Focused Eyes
- Drifting (Head and gaze slowly moves from one place to the other without seeming to focus in on anything around them.)
iNtuitive Judging is the symbol of focus in an INFJ. It is what makes our gaze appear direct yet distanced and detached. We can appear as if we are looking straight at you, but there is no energy in the gaze, making it appear glassy and fluid, as if we are seeing straight through you. You see it in how we walk, in how we act, and how we think.
We are more inclined to move our heads than to move our eyes. Our reactions to external input is noticeably slower than in most others. When something new happens, we take a moment to turn our heads. My girlfriend pull on me and say “Look” and it will take a few seconds for me to register what is going on. Its because I have to finish my thoughts before I can resurface. We appear resistant to new ideas. We start narrow and then widen our perspective slowly outwards. We need time to get excited about an idea and we need to see all ideas before we can entertain the different sub-ideas inside it.
The Sensitive Reaction
- The Understanding Counsellor (When the INFJ is observing you, they can appear pensive, solmen, introspective, as if they are thinking and reacting deeply to what you say. Even when you’re talking about chai latte.)
Another telltale INFJ quirk (that you will also see in INFPs and ISFJs for example.) is sensitivity. INFJs appear delicate and somehow fragile at times. We take things personally and we process our feelings on our own rather than with other people. We can be mistaken as cold but the correct term is sensitive: we hold our feelings and reactions back and try not to insert our own emotions into the situation.
We speak impersonally about a situation while feeling the majority of it inside. Key: look at our chin and lower lip, which is usually slightly open. Our smile is faint but it is still a smile. Our reaction is subtle but there is still a reaction. And if you can look deeper you can easily spot that there is more going on inside us than what we reveal on the surface. When we gesture, our fingers appear relaxed, not tense, making us appear nuanced in our communication rather than precise.
The Charming Expression
- The Friendly Diplomat (The INFJ in flow will convey in their smiles and expressions that they like you and that you are friends.)
Charming, goofy, silly, inwardly warm. The INFJ is very careful with how they come across and what they express outwards. We want people to feel relaxed and we do not want to intimidate others. We want people to be able to share and to not feel judged. So we often put on a goofy or child-like expression.
Our emotions and our expressions appear intentional and controlled. We are focused on our emotions but we think long-term about how to reach our emotional needs. We can set aside anger in the moment and think about what we can do to feel better long-term. We only really get upset when we realize that we are not going to get any long-term emotional value from the situation. But if we think we can, we can be very patient with others.
The INFJ Gaze
“Why is he thinking so long about something?” Sometimes the introverted iNtuitive type can appear to be taking an unnatural amount of time to think about a simple question. I don’t think we expect someone to think philosophically about what we say. We expect people to just listen and to just take it in, not to need to process it. But the INFJ needs to process it.
The detached gaze of INFJs comes from our introverted iNtuition. Our opinion is that the world around is merely an illusion, and that the images we perceive inside ourselves are real. So often, what you will find is that the INFJ has no or little reaction or response to their surroundings. There can be tons of noise and action around the INFJ but when in introverted iNtuition the INFJ may only hear their own thoughts and ideas and images around a situation.
Their reactions and expressions often have little to do with what is going on around them and more with what is happening internally. INFJs can appear private, detached, and pensive. We get angry when we are struggling to get a clear image of something not because you said something bad. Our hand gestures imply that we are trying to pull nuanced or abstract information from ourselves to understand a situation.