ENFJs and ESFJs have a natural kind of charisma that just flows out of them when they are relaxed. If in a good mental state, these types are effortlessly funny, charming, and good at connecting with just about anyone. This comes from Extroverted Feeling, the cognitive function most associated with interpersonal relationships and communication.
But you too, can learn to develop your Extroverted Feeling charm and become more interpersonally intelligent. This is how you become a more successful people person.
1. Take the first initiative in a social setting, even if you’re shy
It’s common to be worried about what other people will think about you. And so, it is also easier to let the other person make the move. If the other person makes the move, you are less likely to experience social rejection.
But being socially cautious has a downside. People around you might assume that you do not like them. Smiling at a stranger has no cost to you – only potential benefits. I know, if you are shy or socially anxious, taking the first move can be scary, but it does give a benefit.
If you make the first move, you have more control over the situation and how it progresses. You can decide what you want to talk about or how you want the situation to develop.
2. Appreciate the people around you
A thank you or just a quick remark that makes people feel noticed for their efforts goes a long way.
Notice things other people do for you (it’s easy to miss, as we get caught up in daily stress) and compliment people for the things you spot. It can be simple, easy things, like checking in on you when you are having a rough day or making you a coffee in the morning.
Compliments and criticism should go hand in hand, that means, if you are about to question or say something critical about someone, make a habit of also saying something positive, too. It will make the tough pill easier to swallow. It will also make the other person feel less hostile towards you.
3. Show humility when dealing with other people
It’s okay to have a business or goal-minded attitude but it’s usually not the right strategy when dealing with people. Avoid talking about work or recent success stories you’ve had, and don’t get too competitive or argumentative when talking with other people.
If you notice that people are starting to feel intimidated or put down by your energy, playfully make a joke at your own expense or do something to let the other person know you’re approaching them as a friend, not as competition.
4. Show people your neck and left check
An important part of charisma is also just small body language tricks you can do to let people know you trust them. Blinking, lowering your body, showing someone else your neck, putting your hands behind your back, these are all ways to look
5. Agree with other people
While conflict and disagreement is something natural in life and even something healthy, do let other people know that you are capable of agreeing with them. Let go of unimportant things to you and reconcile misunderstandings quickly. Agree with important points that the other person makes – before you move on to explore disagreements.
6. Remember things about other people
People like when you notice and remember things about them. If you can reference something they said or did or just at least take a moment to remember their name or where they are from, people will appreciate you a lot for it. You can also do it during the conversation. “Robin from California. Nice to meet you.”
7. Let yourself have fun when talking with other people
If you can enjoy yourself and your time with other people everything will feel a lot easier. And people will enjoy the time with you more too. You are interesting because you are interested in what you say or what you are talking about. So gravitate to topics you find interesting and talk about values or things you have close to your heart.
If you find that people aren’t interested in the same things you are, go out and connect with people that share similar interests.
But remember, there are a few universal interests and topics that everyone will have an opinion about. Love, friendship, the meaning of life, travel, nature, beauty. If you talk about those things, you’ll get basically anyone curious.
8. Practice mild or gentle physical touch
That includes anything from handshakes, a tap on the back, a gentle back or arm rub, quick things like that can also help you build a relationship or closeness with others.
9. Establish relationships
Just let other people know where they stand, for example, if you consider them to be friends, or if you find them funny or nice, just establish and verbalise that to the other person. People can be quite socially oblivious so it helps them to know.
10. Talk to people in a way that feels comfortable to you
If you can feel comfortable in a conversation people will feel more comfortable around you. This means, let yourself speak at a pace you feel comfortable with and a volume that feels nice to you. It can also mean to have an escape plan, so, a good excuse to get out if you want to leave.
If you prefer smaller groups, try to connect with people in smaller groups, if one-on-one situations feel better to you, try to get a chance to talk to someone that you feel you can connect well with.
What personality types are best at Extroverted Feeling?
Want to learn more about Extroverted Feeling? Study the ENFJ and ESFJ personality types and see what they do to become easily popular with others. Start with reading these two cool articles from Psychology Junkie.