INFP Mediator. I have found that INFPs tend to regard conflict and anger as a failure. These kind of emotions should not exist – the goal should be a utopian existence of a world in complete harmony. As an INFP, you are more of a seed than a weapon. Your goal is to promote a more peaceful way for people to coexist.
This is a difficult goal, however. The INFP personality type has the power to provoke other personality types. Other people may misunderstand your individualistic nature as an attack on them or their values. Your unique and colourful expression is deeply threatening to other people.
INFPs don't always understand just how deeply they can impact other people simply by being authentic and real. This means INFPs have to develop a way to handle conflict and aggression from other people. It is time to become an INFP Mediator.
Have you ever noticed that people get angry at you simply because you are curious, or because you ask questions? Not everyone you meet will have a tolerant or open-minded personality. Some may find your questions to be prodding. You may unknowingly step on other people's toes. You can never fully predict what other people will be sensitive about, but everyone will be sensitive about something.
It is not always that you have to be asking questions either – your whole way of being and defining yourself can cause discomfort in some. When you enter an environment that is hostile or streamlined or mainstream, with a carefree and relaxed attitude, you challenge the very flow of the room.
There can be a fear from other people that your lifestyle or values will rub off on other people, and that your “different” will eventually become the norm in society. Those that do not want to change, or fear being left behind may choose to attack before that happens.
The INFP Conflict
This leads us to the following INFP conflict. Many INFPs experience a dilemma. Should I conceal or change aspects about myself because I want to maintain peace? Or should I be honest and authentic because it is important for me to be true to myself? Neither choice feels fulfilling. It is tiring to constantly feel questioned or stared at by others. It is exhausting to have to hide who you are and guard your tongue around other people.
The goal of the INFP is to find a way to be able to do both at the same time. And this can be very difficult. You may not be able to fully protect yourself from parents or teachers that, well-intentioned or not, are causing you to doubt yourself and to feel ashamed or misunderstood. But you can create spaces and find like-minded individuals that help you feel accepted.
You can dedicate time every day to listening to and hearing your own thoughts and feelings, so that you can go out in the world fresh and positive. Finally, you can create an environment that helps you feel harmony and peace, after a busy or stressful day in a difficult school or workplace. These spaces can later become the inspiration that helps you move or transform your life to the utopia you dream of.
How INFPs Deal With Conflict
How can you as an INFP deal with conflict and anger from other people?
Step one, place anger where it is coming from. This person is not angry with you because of something you did wrong, but because of an insecurity they have with something you represent. Notice when you are feeling attacked by other people, and make sure you focus the conversation on where the anger really is coming from.
Step two, use questions to your advantage “So you find it difficult when people do X?”. Questions can disarm an attack before it has even started. If you can place the anger where the anger should be, you can help avoid unnecessary conflicts. You do not have to respond or defend yourself if the attack is not even directed at you in the first place.
Step three, distract them with glitter. Other people may question your life choices and values, but if you can be different, and if you can glitter, they will most likely accept you the way you are. People love to give life advice to people who seem upset or depressed. But if you can find a way to be happy with yourself and who you are, you'll stop them dead in their tracks.