Soulmate, Best Friend, or a Keeper?

The Best Partner

There are three main lines when it comes to dating and the MBTI. Your best partner is either someone who is the complete opposite of you, for example an ISTJ dating an ENFP. Many like this pairing because it feels like they complete you and complement your weaknesses. This is best described as the traditional ideal partner. Today, many look for a best friend in dating, and that often leads us to date someone who is of a similar type to ourselves. A person who has the same type as us can help us teach us more about ourselves.

They can also encourage us to be ourselves, supporting us in our hobbies and helping us protect our values. Finally, perhaps the most popular modern choice today is the mirror relationship. Most akin to the popular idea of the “soulmate”, the ENFJ is often attracted to the INFP. The soulmate is seen as mysterious and complex. We do not know how they work or how they think but we feel naturally interested to them and how they work. You will find no matter what relationship you are in, there are difficulties and struggles at times. Because humans are complicated, and yeah, sometimes annoying. It should only be used to understand your current relationship dynamic and how to improve your relationship for the future.

The Keeper

Often called the dual, the keeper is opposite to us in every way. All letters flipped, this partner tends to complement us in areas where we struggle. Rather than work together, the norm is to divide responsibility. Our partner is made responsible for everything we struggle with, while we work on the things that interest us. Because of this, we see the traditional partner as a pillar of support. We expect our partner to be able to do what we can’t. We can sometimes get upset at our current partner if they can’t do what we expect of them. It can feel as a failure of a relationship if two people can’t solve a problem. A person who expects a more traditional partner has often struggled with old relationships where their partners have simply not felt reliable.

There are however some issues with the traditional relationship. For example, we can feel at times disconnected from them. They may not share our interests or values. They may sometimes laugh or find our interests weird. There can be struggles with not feeling seen or understood. You will find it easy to trust this partner, but sometimes difficult to entertain them in their hobbies and interests. We tend to feel that we can rely on each others and that we have each others back, no matter how difficult things get. We also tend to naturally understand their behavior and thought process. Even if they start on the opposite end of us, their behavior is typically easy to understand and we know why they do what they do.

The Best Friend

The best friend is the one person that always has our back and cheers us on. They get us naturally and they usually encourage us in our hobbies and values. They often inspire us by their work and what they do. At their best, they remind us to be true to ourselves and they teach us new things about ourselves we did not know. There may be differences in how they have developed and how they express themselves, which can show us new ways of expression, supporting our self-development journey. The major shortcoming in this relationship is the battle over space.

Imagine both of you were aspiring actors, who goes to the match, and who stays home with the kids? When you need to go out of your comfort zone and do things you both hate. Who bears the short end of the stick? You may feel at times that your friend gets all the fun and all the benefits while you have to carry the short end of the stick.  We can compare ourselves to the other and become competitive at times, jealous of the success of others and insecure about our own shortcomings in our favorite hobby. A best friend can also “show you how its done” and help you do better at something you struggle with. They may have figured out secret hacks for your type.

The Soulmate

The soulmate is both opposite to us and the same as us. They share our dominant hobbies (N/S) and values (F/T) and they have the opposite temperament of us (I-E) and (J-P) The soulmate is often idealized today and one of the most popular choices, but it does not come without its issues. The soulmate is seen as deep and mysterious and the connection can feel even magical at times. We do not understand the thought process or decisions of our soulmate, and we need a great deal of trust in the other person to let them in and to open up to and rely on them. The soulmate shares our dominant interests and values and is seen as a source of fuel and inspiration to us. They give us everything we need to succeed doing what we do. They spin our minds with the right questions and get us thinking outside our comfort zone, helping us show ourselves new truths that we were not aware of.

The common problem with the soulmate is that they can feel difficult to trust and rely on. They do not do things we do, so we can sometimes mistake them as going against our wishes. Don’t make assumptions about your partner and don’t confuse their differences as some kind of antagonism. You will find that the soulmate is kind of like a sidekick. They want the same goal or the same outcome, but come at it from a different angle. Their head starts in a different space and they may explore things differently. But this can help us get past blocks and struggles and help us achieve our goals.

Important reminders

Despite these rules, a lot of people create awesome, fulfilling, and forever lasting relationships with people of other personality types. What we are attracted to tends to connect to the types of our parents and our experiences with men and women growing up. We may have created our own ideals in our head based on movies and fiction regarding how the best relationship should be. My relationship test can help you discover what you are unconsciously attracted to, and that can be a part of the secret. What I have found while I started exploring relationships more, was that many people have no idea what they like or dislike. When young, we tend to assume we like everything and everyone, but over time through experiences with others, we learn to like some things more than others. Share this article with others and start a discussion about what relationship you think is best.

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