The Friend (Enneagram 6)
Dominated by the priorities of trust, the friend is an archetype that seeks order and reliability. Bonds and things that will last are a key priority.
The Friend, The Sidekick, The Follower
Building trust and loyalty with others
Green (Positive, Principled)
Perceiver (Perception based + Open)
Enneagram 6 – The Friend
Reliable and accountable, the friend wants to hold their own and to meet their end of the bargain. It is important for the friend to honour commitment, and that other people deliver what they have promised. The Enneagram 6 type seeks order and things that will last and hold for the future. Still, the Enneagram 6 can wrestle with distrust and uncertainty.
Will people come through? Is everything going to hold up? It is important for the six to think about a situation carefully. There needs to be a back-up plan, and weak points need to be reinforced. So the Enneagram 6 is characterised by principled perception. Fact-checking, and using rules and structure to back up their arguments, the Friend is an archetype associated with order and cohesion. This is a loyal type.
The fear is that society will collapse, that the group will fall apart, and so the Friend has a loyal temperament. They look at what they can do to prevent this and to maintain positive order around them. In this, the Enneagram 6 naturally strikes itself out as a green type. And they will be where they said, at the time they said. You will find that they will do their best to have your back, even if they are upset or stressed by something.
When you have the sixes mindset, you want to principle your thoughts and to set rules for yourself and other people. The Friend wants agreements to be made and some kind of order or arranged way of doing things. When do we meet up? What do we do if the train is late? The six does their best to control and bring order to a situation.
With order, there is also an ability to back up and reinforce your own thoughts. When you have decided on something, you can find evidence and you can arrange your environment and control the outcome. You can look for pieces that match with your thoughts. You can seek for outwardly principles that show you that you are on the right path.
Loyalty and order helps the Enneagram 6 find additional references to back up their decisions and to know they are making the right choice. They don’t just think. You will find that they back up their thoughts with evidence and they see that other people are thinking the same way. And using all of this, they become more confident in their beliefs. The six wants to know their thoughts and opinions are backed up by other sources, books, and friends around them.
While Enneagram 6 types sure wrestle doubt and sometimes do not know if they can rely on other people, the Enneagram 6 types themselves do their best to be loyal and to give backup to those that need them. In general, they do not take on commitment that they can not follow up on and will try to think if something is possible or not.
Yes, they will share issues and fears and doubts they have with your plan to help you prepare and to stay ahead of errors. The goal is to provide you with support, but this can indeed be difficult. And it can even be received as the opposite. The Enneagram 6 can be misunderstood as the person that is always trying to turn every idea into a problem. In reality, green types are positive, they choose to trust. They just become upset when they realise their trust has been misplaced.
Still, the Enneagram 6s generally stay with you through the entire process, doing their best to offer aid and back up, and are also the ones that stay with you the longest even when everyone else has left your side. In this, they are extremely supportive types, loyal to a fault. The Enneagram 6 can fear that they are on a sinking ship and can struggle a lot with this quality in themselves, annoyed by how the other person is putting them and themselves in harms way. In these situations, it can be important to ask for other people to give you the same support that you show them.
Trust and distrust spirals
The ability to trust is of key importance to the Enneagram 6 and what allows them to be loyal and to remain accountable. It is only when they trust other people, that they honour agreements and follow up on promises. When fear of being betrayed takes over, the Enneagram 6 can start thinking of lying or backing out to protect themselves. But the Enneagram 6 is generally the most accountable of all. They are simultaneously the most known for loyalty – but also for disloyalty.
Trust and distrust spirals are common for the Enneagram 6. To feel that you have a good friend and that people need you, and that they rely on you, and to greatly admire and respect and trust your friends. But also to be able to put yourself in harms way for the sake of your friends or the systems that depend on you. The Friend is ready to compromise their own needs to live up to their boss or teachers expectations on them. This is only because they trust them and have decided to follow them.
The Friend is at risk in this of becoming a sidekick or even worse, a follower, someone who puts so much trust in other people that do not deserve this trust. Trust and distrust spirals are a key part of growing and grounding yourself as an Enneagram 6. When taken over with distrust, the Friend needs reassurance, and needs promises, and needs evidence to know they are right to place their trust in you. Most of all, they need to know that you have their back.