The Giver (Enneagram 2)
The Giver wants to give and to avoid being selfish. What you give depends on your flow type.
The Giver (Healthy), The Caretaker (Normal), The Used (Unhealthy)
Giving and sharing and improving the life for other people.
Green (Principled and steady)
Reviewer (Values-based & Instinctive)
The Giver (Enneagram 2)
The giver ideally wants to live in the service of a set of core principles and values order and stability greatly. As one of the reviewing types, Givers are values-based and focus on making sure life will match up to their values and what they want and think is right. Givers have a nice temperament.
They will go out of their way to help other people and to give and share with other people. The Giver wants to know that they have made the world better than the way they left it and wants to see improvements and effects on the life quality of the people around them. Values based and instinctive, givers feel almost impulsively drawn to people who need their help.
When they see people struggle, they can not help but intervene. Enneagram 2s get energy and become more active when other people let them in and accept their help. If they can use their values and their compass to guide other people, they will try their best. The giving mindset is perhaps the most important aspect of the two: what can I give to the world, what can I offer, what can I share? What do I have that can make life better for other people?
The main struggle is learning not to give at the expense of self and to not give more than you are comfortable with. To not become used or manipulated, and to make sure you remain true to your values. To give from a position of self, not based on what other people want, but focused on what you have. The enneagram 2 is known for its pride, a pride that can sometimes blind themselves to their own faults and mistakes, but for the most, this pride can also help support them and give them confidence in their actions and in what they do.
The Giving Mindset
The most important thing to remember when you like to express yourself through gifts and through giving, is, who am I? What do I have to offer? We all have something unique about ourselves, and what you want to do is find a source in yourself, a passion that is great and vast. When you have found this passion, this is your source and the position from which you should give.
When unhealthy, the giver may give things they do not have to offer. Give things you are comfortable with, share things that you have in abundance. The giving mindset is best illustrated with a chef that loves to cook, and hates the thought of seeing people hungry. Because the chef is passionate about cooking, this is an ideal tool to use to help the world. Beyond this, there is another important trick to giving, and that is setting boundaries. I tend to explain this by talking about the need to explain your needs. When somebody wants your help, you have to always ask for something in return.
Think about what you need from other people in order to best be able to help them. I can teach you about this, but then I need you to focus or concentrate, or I need you to read this book. You need something to thrive, and if you can get this, you can better help other people. The giving mindset is the strongest in people that can ask for things in return. Those who do not, will quickly start to feel used, starved, or weak. You may find yourself trying to give, but feeling manipulated, or you try to help but you feel weak because you do not have what is necessary to help the other person. Perhaps they do not want your help, or perhaps you lack the tools. Then you have to take a step back and think about and recognise your own needs.
The Nice Temperament
Being of a nice temperament, the Enneagram 2 types feel their success and happiness directly depends on the success and happiness of other people. “I can not succeed if other people fail.” The enneagram 2 is the very definition of nice. When they see other people struggle, they feel instinctively drawn to help them out.
When they see other people go against their values, they want to intervene and put things right. Unlike popular belief, nice people are not just nice for the sake of other people, but for themselves. Giving is an instrument for this type to express themselves and who they are and what they believe in. Being nice, if you can not be of help to other people, you feel useless or weak. Seeing people struggle, but not knowing what to do, is hard for the Enneagram 2.
Noticing that other people need your help, but that you can do nothing, or feeling like there are so many people who need you, but that you can not be there for everybody, that is difficult. Nice people sometimes struggle with a feeling that they are nice, but that they are being taken advantage for for what they do. But nice people also take a great degree of pride in who they are, and knowing they are doing the right thing, and that the fault is not with them.
As an Enneagram 2, you will experience a strong relationship to the emotion of pride. You will feel proud over what you are doing, but you will also want to be more proud of yourself. You will want to develop yourself, to improve yourself, and to keep earning this right to be proud. You believe this emotion is best found in doing good deeds for other people and living up to your expectations of yourself.
You will take success and pride from seeing other people become happier and seeing other people, through your guidance and support, make the right decision. You don't need to feel success – pride is a sense of joy and what we experience when we feel happy about the success of other people.
Knowing that the world is better, and taking pride in what you have already done, you may however at times become blind to flaws and issues. You may either not see issues with your own behaviour, or you may become blind to problems and flaws in the people you care about. You may not notice that you are being used or manipulated at times. Pride can blind us and because of this, enneagram 2s struggle with self-deception and also with deceiving other people.
Not being real with other people to make them happy, or focusing only on the good about yourself and not being receptive to criticism. You may say “I already do so much good – why do people have to criticise me for the one thing I do wrong?” or you may pretend to only see the good in another person, and ignoring clear flaws and issues that need to be discussed. Be careful not to shut down your perception or to set aside your judgement about something. You need your eyes just as much as you need your good heart.