Extroverted Feeling – Interpersonal Intelligence

When you use Extroverted Feeling, and anyone can use this function, you become aware of the values and social norms and the beliefs of the group. Extroverted Feeling types tend to be democratic and tend to naturally involve and work together with other people to make decisions. They believe in honor and agreements and made together with others. When Extroverted Feeling is your flow function, you see it as your purpose to maintain bonds and connections and to honor agreements made with others.

Nickname: The Lover, The Persuader, The Advocate
Found in flow types: ENFJ, ESFJ, ENFP, ESFP
Cognitive function: Extroverted Feeling
Intelligence: 
Communication Intelligence
Variations: The Giver (EXFJ) The Artist (EXFP)

The Lover Archetype

Most importantly, your type is characterised by strong values and feelings about various matters of life. You feel strongly about many matters and enjoy communicating and discussing these things with others. The Lover wants to see how others feel and to make sure you two are on the same page. Communication is how you connect with others.

You seek intimacy and connection with others in having a strong shared attitude about life or about a certain issue or topic. Often, you can be quite the advocate then, in driving your community and friends towards certain beliefs and values. More negatively, if you don’t get your way, you can become bossy, domineering and telling other people how to feel and what to do if they disagree with you. (Te/)

Ideally, you want people to have a strong sense of what they want and what is right and wrong. You enjoy connecting with people who have something they care deeply about. (Fi+) More negatively, you struggle with people who are critical or negative in some way. You worry that people will shoot down or be negative towards your ideas and that they will start to poke hole on your dreams. (Ti-) That anxiety can become a self-limiting perfectionism. Maybe there’s something wrong with you that is keeping you from being loved by others?

Extroverted Feeling – Communication Intelligence

The lover wants to communicate and connect with other people through all kinds of ways. The better the dialogues, the more rich the conversation, the more connected you feel to others. It is difficult then, when people don’t want to talk to you or don’t want to open up. When it’s clear people have an issue with something, but don’t want to say it out loud, you can be more aggressive, trying to drag it out of them if necessary. (Te/)

But most of the time, you want to show that you are open and that you will listen and that you care. You want people to open up to you, and it is difficult for you when they don’t. Development for you is to learn how to talk with people but also to give people space when they don’t. To give people time to come over to your side, and to not become pushy if they don’t bite immediately. You want to talk with people, intimately, but you’ll learn not to force out conversation if the time is not ready. To accept that some people are going to be open to connect, and and that others will be more reserved.

Extroverted Feeling As The Dominant Function

When Extroverted Feeling is your dominant function the most important thing to you is to talk with other people. To connect and discuss your feelings and to make sure everyone is on the same page. You like to clear up misunderstandings and to talk through conflicts and problems and to resolve issues with others when you can. Generally, you want people to know they can always talk to you and that you won’t judge them for what they say. You usually dislike giving criticism and you dislike negative and reserved people. Ideally, you think if somebody has a problem with something, they should tell you directly. The Extroverted Feeling subtypes believe good communication will solve most problems.