The Lover (Sexual Instinct)

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Nickname:

The Lover, The Dreamer, The Hater

Enneagram

The Sexual Instinct

Mindset

Romantic

Temperament

Intense

Emotions

Connection, Disconnection

Color

Emotional (Red) 

Type

Perception-driven, Decisive (Doer)

The Lover – The Sexual Instinct

Lovers are characterised by strong instincts and deep interests and hobbies. They have strong pulls and addictive personalities, they don’t just feel it out with their toes, they dive right in. They thrive on deep connection and want to know and be fully engaged with their interests. The Lovers are sometimes intense in how deep and how quick they can get into something. 

They struggle with taking time for other things and remembering to do other important tasks and may sometimes forget about their most important values while they are engaged with an activity. They may take moral shortcuts at times and can sometimes ignore what they know is right because they feel such a strong pull towards their hobby.

The Romantic

The Romantic type values depth and intensity. Their goal is that their own quest will set them apart and make them stand out from the crowd. They hope to have unique and intense and deep experiences. They show a passionate side in most things they do, their actions are coloured by a romantic tendency. 

They seek depth and meaning and intimacy and so they act in a way that will put them right where the heat is. Often, this makes them stand apart from the crowd. Their intensity in how they do something and in what they do is also different from other people: where the Protector would argue for safety, the sexual type would argue to enjoy life to the fullest.

You see the romantic drive also in how the Lover explores their world. Their actions are coloured by a hopeful sentiment and sexual types are notable for having the red desire to consider primarily physical needs. 

The Intense Temperament

The lover is often a very intense character, easily setting themselves apart from other people. This is something you work on a lot. The sexual instinct makes us want to attract the interest of someone and we don’t do this by being like everyone else. 

Our hope is, by doing something more than anyone else, or by discipling ourselves hard, we can become more interesting and appealing to other people. So the lover is a type associated by an ability to push themselves. This can also make them appear intense, as very few people take interests and hobbies as far as the Lover. 

The Lover has deep and intense interests. Their personality is perhaps best described as interesting, or more negatively, as weird. We can’t help but either feel strongly connected to this type, or strongly disconnected from them. They live like strong beacons of light, radiating with emotion. They attract and pull people towards them or away from them. No matter what, they make quite an impression.  

Connection and disconnection spirals

The lover is a deeply emotionally oriented type and is really just looking for the fulfilment of emotions. They want to act on their feelings and to express themselves emotionally. Speaking from a perspective of romance, love has a core importance to what the Lover does. 

They see their actions as an expression of love and want to express and show love through their deeds. To show appreciation towards someone, to make a homage to something you love or admire. But of course, it can also be an expression of what you dislike. Lovers have strong interests, and strong dislikes. 

They want to feel deeply connected to what they do, but can also struggle with disconnection. It can feel as if you can’t find anyone or anything that speaks to you. You feel intensely, but does anybody else feel the same things you do? The struggle of disconnection can cause the lover to feel alienated and cut off. Nobody likes me, nobody sees me, nobody likes me for who I am. I have nothing interesting that people will like me for. On the positive end, the chance to experience deeper connection gives the Lover a strong sense of meaning. It makes you feel alive.