Why I Care
A personal journey from dry theory to the messy, beautiful reality of real life.
Why I Wrote This Book
"Why do you care so much, Erik?" my classmate asked. "The more you care, the more easily you get hurt. That is why it is easier not to care."
My classmate had a point. My caring led me into a lot of pain. I got involved in politics as a young teenager and fought day and night to protect the environment. My desire for world peace brought me into heated arguments, and at age twenty, it drove me into burnout and depression.
I also know what it is like in the aftermath: to isolate yourself from your friends and family, to live on your own, and to build walls around your heart. I know how heavy that armor is. Closing myself off did protect me from suffering, but it also made me feel less alive.
So if I met my classmate today, I would say this: Not caring is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.
Since I was born, I have been learning how to care for myself and others. Living in the Netherlands, it rained constantly, and for a long time, the grey skies got in the way of my mood. But today, I look at rain as something peaceful. I remember being a child, jumping in rain puddles with joy. I am learning to care again. Why? Because I believe that love is the point.
Beyond Personality Labels
I wanted to understand people so that I could connect with them better. So I spent over a decade studying personality psychology, communication styles, and cognitive functions.
My studies gave me words for complex feelings, and theories on why people behave the way they do. But while the theories helped me connect with some, they made me more distant from others. I kept looking for a better theory, a more precise label.
Eventually, I realized that no theory explains everything about a person. Labels are helpful on the surface, but the real connection happens when you look underneath: at hidden intentions, unspoken thoughts, and real human potential. In part, this book marks my shift from intellectual theory to lived experience.
The Values Inventory & Coordinates
How we practice what matters across Breadth (daily action), Height (meaning and why), and Depth (the nuance of practice).
| Value & Essence | Breadth (Daily Action) | Height (Meaning & Why) | Depth (Nuance of Practice) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Authenticity | Journaling 10 minutes daily | To understand myself honestly | Share genuine thoughts even when vulnerable |
| Connection | Phone put away during dinner | To feel truly present with others | Listen without rushing to give advice |
| Courage | Speak up when uncomfortable | To stand for what matters most | Act even when my hands are shaking |
| Creativity | Make messy first drafts | To give voice to imagination | Create without judging the result |
| Wisdom | Pause before answering | To see beyond immediate bias | Question my own assumptions first |
| Compassion | Forgive a past frustration | To heal old grudges and patterns | Hold space for difficult feelings |
Ready to Learn More?
Pre-orders open on September 14th through the Personalitopia crowdfunding campaign.